My life has been a roller-coaster. Filled with loops, broken pieces and a few passengers hopping off. The good news is I’m still in operation with one operator for 28 years. I decided I wanted to launch my blog around my birthday 9/24 because I got some real-life goals I want to accomplish before I turn 33.
The plan for this blog didn’t just start this year when I turned 28. It manifested at the age of 26, a year after I thought about ending my own life. My 25th year on earth was overwhelming: Between managing to pay all my bills as a young adult, grieving the loss of my dad, and struggling to hold it all together for my brothers, I ended up feeling very alone. More honestly, I felt like I was falling apart. My identity was in crisis. I was like a 20-year-old car that had not been routinely checked and was sold at auction only to be driven once for “one last ride”. I needed maintenance; I needed care. Every day was a battle, trying to decide whether or not I would attempt to jump in front of a metro train on my daily commute. Every morning I made a choice. I would lay on my lumpy mattress asking myself “Zuo, is today THE day?” I would look in the mirror and I could not stand what I saw. My mind would (and sometimes still does) hold on to negativity creating a loop of expiration dates. I felt like I had an extra piece of luggage I carried with me every day. The weight seemed both unbearable and invisible. So I hid ... under smiles, and jokes, and bottles of cognac, and food, and placing myself in a self-appointed exile. My friends didn’t understand. The weight of losing a parent is a fact that’s hard to bare and I felt like no one could see the effect it had on me.
But I found a way to push through it by the age of 26 with a period of enlightenment and exploration. I found my second wind. I started to value my life and move to a brighter path. I realized that what I saw as ugly, undesirable, and unbearable was the loop of negativity that played host to my insecurities and grief. With this newfound freedom, I wanted to charter a new path for myself.
Continuing on this Journey of my newfound freedom has brought me to this blog. I want to organize my thoughts and present ideas that could possibly help someone on their journey towards the light. I hope to make you laugh, reflect and find your own path to Restoration. I want to tap more into my creativity and share with you all my Gifts.
As anyone would expect with any journey, I anticipate bumps in the roads, potholes, unpaved places and sometimes places that seem uncrossable. But here I will be discussing things that impact the lives of African Americans, Men issues, and whatever catches my eye.
Zora Neal Hurston writes about the difference between men and women and attaining Dreams and Wishes. "Ships at a distance have every man's wish on board. For some, they come in with the tide. For others they sail forever on the same horizon, never out of sight, never landing until the Watcher turns his eyes away in resignation, his dreams mocked to death by Time. That is the life of men". Today, my 1st full month at the age of 28, I am declaring that I am going to watch, no work to have my dreams come to shore.